Stories from "An Iowa Standout"
(Obviously it's Trudy, I'm working on scanning in the front page of the San Antonio Express)

Part I
    So it was the first time sense I have seen Harper in almost 6 
months. (Which was an excellent 6 months might I add). We are at happy 
hour, and Poonman had been acting a little weird. He told me that he 
needed to tell me something really important. I reluctantly followed 
him up to the room. Right when we walked in the room Harper took off 
his pants. I reply with "what the fuck are you doing former fat man." 
He says "Chad I am so gay". I reply with "yeah no shit". I left the 
room, and was really happy for our friend Chris for showing his true 
colors. The end.

 Part II
So it was the first day we got in San Antonio. I was still feeling a 
little sick, but I decided to start boozin on the trip there. We all 
started feeling a little saucy by the time of arrival. We decide that 
we missed most off happy hour, so we should really go to pound town 
the last hour. We did. Bing bang boom. We decided we would hop in a 
cab to the River walk. That place is ripped as a whole, but when 15 
red neck alcoholic son of a bitches show up, the place gets a hell of 
a lot cooler. We get to the club, and the man know as ManBearPig 
decides he wants to go off. The HalfmanHalfbearHalfpig starts to buy 
shots. He truly thinks that if he buys a lot of shots, he might be 
able to get down this broads pants. Not true, she saw right threw him. 
What kind of hot latino skank would want to get on a man that is half 
pig and half man and half bear. The answer to that question is none. 
There is one piece of evidence that would of been useful for MBP to 
know, that this little skank had a twin sister. So they hit him up for 
shots in double time. It was fucking funny. MBP dropped about half a 
grip, and we left. On the way home I made out with some 42 year old 
lady from Kazakistan. That was Weird. The end.

...more to come